I didn't shave. On purpose
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
