$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
