so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
