i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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