I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
