I'm so fucking centered right now
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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