The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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