she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
