I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
