I wish life had little blips of pornography
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
