I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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