how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
