We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
