I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
