I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
