There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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