someone threw a dead crab at me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
