Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
