If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
