yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
