another moral hangover. fuck.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
