It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
