i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
