Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
