I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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