You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
