Moan for me like Helen Keller
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
