The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
