I'm so fucking centered right now
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
