I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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