There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
