3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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