I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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