Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
