so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
