So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
