i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
