i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
