Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
