It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
