In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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