Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
