Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
