i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
