Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
