Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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