Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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