I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
