i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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