fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
