we're chasing vodka with high fives
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
