What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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